Safe haven

I am generally a very busy person. At least that's what people tell me. I have to pencil in all lunches, dinners, get togethers, walks, talks, runs, and sometimes even my mealtimes -- or else I just forget.

My mind is constantly coming up with great new innovations, or ideas to make something I currently have -- better.

Sometimes I run into things that remind me of a person, and I either purchase it for them, or text/email letting them know they are on my mind.

I make sure to do my cardio and lift weights 5/6 times a week, call my parents everyday, wash my hair twice a day, and catch up with at least one friend each day.

I am constantly surrounded by people at my jobs (I have 3 -- 4 if you count the website). And I also purposely surround myself with people to energize me.

So when I get home -- I am tired.

And nothing beats my nice firm bed, fluffy down, and serene white sheets when I just want to be alone. I light all the candles in front of my vanity which reflects back onto the room -- iluminating it. The soothing music from my ipod playing comforts me. I lay down on my bed, grab my journal, and I just write out my thoughts. I love the freedom of writing out everything on my mind. It's my way of letting go...

Craving cookies

I got really upset at the grocery store this evening.

I was in the cookie aisle because I was craving shortbread cookies. I don’t normally crave cookies because I didn’t grow up eating them – so they bring me no major comfort. But today I wanted them.

But to my dismay, 2 regular sized cookies are 180 calories. Just two little rectangular shaped shortbread cookies. And if I crave something, I know I won’t settle for just two. I would willingly help myself to at least a couple more servings – which would amount to nearly 1,000 calories. Not good especially since today was my day off from the gym, and already ate out with friends.

So as I stood there, staring at the label of the beautifully packaged shortbread cookies, I got upset. How unfair is this? Why do they make cookies so freaking fatty?

And right there – in the middle of the cookie aisle, began the never ending thought process where I analyze everything in my life that brought me to my current predicament.

I am upset because the cookies I am craving are high in calories. I want cookies because that’s what girls munch on when they feel bad. I feel bad because someone I like doesn’t like me back. He doesn’t like me because… I don’t know… that’s why I was planning on going home to think about it – with the shortbead cookies.

But because of the potential high caloric intake of the cookies, I decided not to purchase them. And this throws off my whole plan of analyzing my life while eating cookies, because there won’t be any.

And now I’m back to square one... empty.