Love online

Confession time. I have tried the whole online dating thing.

I know, right? Online dating is for losers. For those pathetic fools who cannot meet anyone in the real world. It’s for the desperate. Surely, not for anyone like me!

Yeah, I thought that too – but when one of my friends began having a much more active social life than I did, and having the time of her life getting to know herself and what she wanted in a partner, I had a change of heart.

And apparently, my other girlfriends felt the same – so we all signed up together. First-time online daters unite!

So one Tuesday night, I bravely and honestly answered what felt like hundreds of questions, all for the sake of the much publicized, “29 dimensions of compatibility” on e-Harmony.

As it turns out, I am very compatible. Well, of course, I am.

I had 148 good matches.

e-Harmony did a good job sticking to my preferences. All my matches were college graduates, making decent money, and church-goers.

There were quite a few I didn’t expect—those who say they are 27 (and look 40) and a handful guy friends of mine who would kill me if I ever told anyone that they had an online dating account.

And there were those who got my attention.

I’ll let you in on three. Names have been changed to protect the innocent, or not so innocent as the case may be.

Tom, Dick, and Harry were so similar that it was hard to keep the facts straight. They were all 25, only children, and loved their moms. Awww! They all went to a Cal-State and studied the same things. Their hobbies were also similar. I was beginning to wonder if the same guy had set up three different profiles.

Now let me introduce them.

Meet Tom

Blonde, blue eyes, 5’10”, Grad Student

Tom was a Caucasian dude who liked Filipina girls. He didn’t flat out say this – but he mentioned that both of his previous girlfriends were Filipinas. He also beamed when I told him I too am a part of the gorgeous clan.

He made many references to our “future together” and the thought of dating a future tv reporter (at least he was encouraging) made him giddy. After the salad, I was planning my exit strategy.

The lowdown.

I sat through a phone call from his mother reminding him to take his medication.

We walked around a bit and then he asked me for a second date. My head said no, but feeling bad for rejecting him up front, I said sure – knowing that I would have to break the news later. I quickly hugged him when we reached my car and hit the pedal to the medal.

He texted me an hour later saying he had a great time and wanted to know if I was free the following weekend. I told him that I’d be busy for the next couple weeks. Or years.

Meet Dick

Black hair, brown eyes, 5’11”, Media Producer

Dick was an intellectual. As a fellow writer, I admired his wit and vocabulary. He hosted and produced a couple Webisodes. We seemed to have so much in common.

I thought this was it – an online-dating success.

Then we met.

The lowdown.

He was cold.

Prior to our date, he had Googled me and found out we had mutual friends – whom he called for references. (Uhm, crazy, right?) I had high hopes for this guy, but he turned out to be a literal Dick. After about an hour of finding things to talk about, he finally had to go. He didn’t walk me to my car, he didn’t say he had fun, and there was no mention of future anything. It was unfortunate that though we seemed to get along so well online, the interactions in person was so completely and utterly horrific!

So much for my expected online-dating success, but onward I went.

Meet Harry.

Black hair, green eyes, 5’10”, Realtor

Harry didn’t impress me at all. His profile was brief, and filled with grammatical and spelling errors. Surely someone who did not care about his profile was not worth my time when there were so many other intelligent men vying for my attention.

The lowdown.

However, Harry’s honesty in his responses to my questions tugged at my heartstrings. He wasn’t pretentious like the others. He knew what he could and could not offer a girl. He has been through a lot, but he also has a lot going for him. He had big dreams. Our first meeting lasted four hours. We talked on the phone for hours, texted back and forth, and went out regularly. When it was finally time to determine the relationship, I was shocked to hear that Harry did not feel a connection. I was devastated.

This was the closest I got to an online-dating success story, but at the end it didn’t work out as expected.

What did I learn? Well, It has been almost two years since my online dating experience. I haven’t logged onto my account since, and I don’t think I ever will. I am still very apprehensive about finding love online – but I did learn something from each guy and a little something about myself. Tom made me realize that someone could like me, and I could not like them. Dick showed me people do background checks – so be very careful and nice to your friends. And Harry taught me I could connect to a guy who is an awful, and I mean awful, writer.

Maybe I’m just a girl looking to meet a guy the old-fashioned way. At church, at a friend’s party, or at the peanut butter section of a grocery store… Anywhere but online.

Mary Joy enjoys writing about her activities and experiences. She probably won't be logging on the internet to find her "soulmate", but is happy for her friends who are finding love online.