I didn't talk pretty

I had a hard time pronouncing certain words when I was a child. Initially, people thought it was cute, but kids at school started to mock me, and so I started to shy away from them. I decided that if I didn’t speak at all, no one would notice that I couldn’t say some things.

This kinda worked, but brought up other issues.

I became extremely shy and wouldn’t raise my hand even if I knew the answer. I became the mysterious little girl at the age of 4. The boys were amused and kept trying to talk to me. The girls talked about me. In my mind I made up responses for every scenario. I practiced it over and over so that it would be perfect once uttered.

That didn’t work. Instead, I stumbled over my “memorized” responses and cried instead.

So I became the girl who cried… a lot.

I cried when the teacher called on me and I didn’t have the answer.

I cried when another little person took my seat.

I cried when my nanny was late to pick me up and I had to sit all by myself with the teacher.

I cried when I spilled my juice and the teacher had me clean it up while my nanny watched from the window.

The situations and motivations varied, but I cried all the same.

Then a major life transformation took place. My family moved to a new town. Once again I became the mysterious girl, but this time I could reinvent myself. Keeping quiet the past years has enabled me to observe. I observed the smartest person, the prettiest person, the most confident person, the most talkative person, and the most talented person… and so began my own self transformation.

Today I overhead a little seven year-old girl lecture her mother on the history of the song “Ice Ice Baby.” Show-off, I thought. Yeah, she and I wouldn’t have been friends.